T O P

Daily Chat Thread

Daily Chat Thread

spinnersends

Does anyone else get a HUGE and desperate hit of baby fever after a bad day at work? It's like, why can't I be 8 months pregnant *right now* so that I can just disappear for a year from tomorrow.


Mecspliquer

Yes. And you wanna know what I do when I feel this way? Watch newborn nighttime routines and get upset about it 🥲


Closed_System

Hahaha yes minus getting a whole year off. Currently writing my mid-year performance review and I'm like, "I would literally rather be in labor rn".


spiny___norman

I get it for the same reason you described and also because of what I find fulfilling in life. When work sucks I don’t just want a break from it, but I also think of how purposeful it would feel to get to focus on raising a family instead of having to devote 8 hours of my day and a piece of my soul to a company that I don’t truly feel passionate about.


spinnersends

So much this. I feel like I'm slaving away, having to 'care' about stuff that means absolutely nothing to me. I keep going because we're not ready, and I don't want to have a baby just as an 'excuse' to finally stop working.


spiny___norman

Same here. It’s also one of the things that helps balance out my baby fever, because it would definitely not be a wise financial decision for our family if I quit working after having a baby right now, but I am somewhat hopeful that that may change in a few years so it helps me to wait on the baby thing, I guess.


notplop

I feel this, ALL the time. I’ve started counting how many months I have left to work until I can leave for months and just spend time with a cute little baby! I’ve started getting hundreds of baby videos on TikTok and I’m not strong enough to skip them. I like to torture myself haha


DisguisedBee

I get this completely! A big issue is that I feel a little trapped at my work because of I leave I’ll have to work at a new job longer to get good maternity, plus my current job gives extra benefits than they need to. I just have to tell myself that I’m only sticking through it so I can bleed them dry with maternity pay. It helps a little!


spinnersends

How much longer is your wait? If it's not too long you might be able to hold out! I'd get a count down app! I started a new job a few months ago, and to qualify for mat benefits I'll have to be here for a year. It actually offers better benefits than my last job did, which I didn't expect, it was just a nice surprise. My wait could be up to 2-3 years though, so I was able to take more of a chance.


DisguisedBee

We’re probably going to start around October, so not long at all! If it wasn’t so soon I’d definitely be looking for something new. It’s mostly just been a couple of key events that have really got to me, plus the money is nowhere near as good as it used to be. Problem is I probably wouldn’t get more money anywhere else on the time between now and when a baby arrives. Plus, as I say, the maternity pay is higher than it needs to be and the hours will (probably) be more convenient when I eventually go back.


yiketh098

I came off of HBC in late November 2020 in order to begin TTC but didn’t anticipate the long readjustment period for my menstrual cycle to regulate itself. Well, after two cycles of uncertainty, my third and fourth cycles came in at 27 days and things were looking good. After getting vaccinated, my periods went haywire again for two cycles. I am in my third cycle now and have began spotting 26 days in!! I just wanted to share how thankful I am that my reproductive system is trying so hard to regulate itself! It’s been 8 months since getting off HBC and it really is such a relief after worrying so much. A lot of TTC groups that i have joined tend to speak mostly about struggles that women have conceiving, and it can certainly create a bias that you unquestionably will face fertility issues. I feel so much more comfortable proceeding to TTC in the cycle after this!!!!!


stardusttree

Congrats!! Best of luck on your journey 😊


wyug

Guys, I think it’s happening. I think I’m actually getting the itch to *have* a baby. I’ve always wanted kids but I’ve always wanted them in the future. Currently our plan is to TTC late 2023. But, I’ve been getting the urge to get a kitten or a puppy. We have an 11 year old cat and a nearly 2 year old dog. Every time I truly think about if I want a kitten or puppy I think to myself - no I don’t want that. What I *want* is something little to take care of. Then it hit me, this is the start of me actually wanting to *have* a baby now and not just in the future. This is wild to me. And I think this is a huge positive step.


Gullible_Cat_

One of the things I want to work on before TTC is my relationship with food and health. I want to work through some of my own stuff, with the aim of having a more balanced approach to food as a parent. So I’ve been reading and listening to a lot, and today I was listening to a podcast and a lot of things I’ve been thinking about really clicked in! So got a lot to think over and work on. Feeling very positive about it though.


Proses_are_red

My reason for WTT as well. It’s so important for us to create a lifestyle out of living healthily instead of just doing fad diets (speaking for myself) so we can instill good habits in our children. I’m also trying to do more outdoor exercises on the weekends (bike rides, hiking…) because I’d like to be like those families that go on hikes with a baby on their backs 😂 Rooting for you!


Gullible_Cat_

You too! We have a little health accountability group here on Reddit if you want to join?


raptorrage

I'm about that life! Want to dm me?


DisguisedBee

I can relate to this! I eat a lot of processed stuff and drink a lot more energy drinks than I should. A big goal of mine is to be off Monster completely way before TTC and to make an effort to watch what/how much I eat before then too. Obviously I’ve always known I’d 1000% give up energy drinks when pregnant but I think it will be a lot easier if there’s been a longer gap, especially when the pregnancy exhaustion I’ve heard about kicks in!


Gullible_Cat_

Yes, that makes sense! Good luck with it!


DisguisedBee

Thanks, you too!


HazelAngel

So after years of “irregular” cycles, pain, anxiety, and a deep suppressive denial I am finally seeking diagnosis. I’ve had two appointments with an OBGYN who seems supportive, concerned, and willing to try everything. I’m scheduled for an ultrasound (round two of testing, after all of the non invasive options were exhausted) and I also have referrals for two other specialists including a Pelvic Floor PT for pain management. I’m really hopeful that I can figure this out before our Wait Window expires and go into TFAB more prepared. I also just want to know what my body is going through and maybe, hopefully, put the heating pad away for a minute. I know a lot of us here struggle with potential fertility problems and that our particular stage of life can complicate things. I guess what I’m looking for is a little bit of support a lot of resources. If you have a group, doc, podcast, book, or medical profession that’s been especially helpful to your reproductive health journey please let me know. Thanks in advance, friends.


MaRy3195

One thing that's been stressing my husband out a lot in regards to even thinking about TTC is his father's health. He got diagnosed with mantle cell lymphoma in January. We found out today that he had a complete response to chemo and is now in remission!!! We're in the process of helping my in laws move closer to us and my husband indicated that once that happens he'll be a lot more willing to think about our timeline! So this news was exciting on many fronts. Very thankful for my FIL's health today!!


hannahcanary9

Anyone else reevaluating their plans in light of the delta variant/the general covid situation right now? I really don't want to go through a pregnancy with covid restrictions, and with the way things are looking, I'm really starting to think we're going to want to push our timeline back - maybe even by a couple of years. This is in combination with other factors, namely that my husband and I are moving and want to get settled in the new place and hopefully get to travel before baby, but ugh I'm so sick of covid.


hawaiian_feeling

When are you planning on trying? Our plan has always been covid contingent. We're in England and things feel quite uncertain at the moment in terms of the summer/autumn, but we're now both fully vaccinated. If we get to December and there are major restrictions in place, then we may well delay - but happy to work that out at that point.


hannahcanary9

We were thinking about this winter/spring, but yeah...things just feel really uncertain again.


hawaiian_feeling

There's no need to make up your mind before you have to. I need to get my IUD out - if that seems unsafe or there's no local NHS capacity to do that, that's a good sign about how sensible it would be to try at that point. I really am planning to keep taking the folic acid and play it by ear.


hannahcanary9

Yeah, I'm being lazy about my prenatals but still taking them so that we're good to go anytime!


lesmoomins

I am. We're both fully vaccinated but I'd like to be able to attend birthing classes and not have hospital staff be overwhelmed. My friend works at one of the local hospitals and hospitalizations are climbing. I'm in a red state where everyone is pretending COVID is gone for good. It's just weird. I'm not really sure what we should do at this point. Wait another 6 months?


Closed_System

I've been thinking about how booster shots may start to be recommended and wondering if I should at least wait until boosters are widely available. I live in a covid-denying state and last I heard my workplace has like a 25% vaccination rate 🙄. If we stick to our timeline, I'll be starting TTC when I'm about 9 months post-vaccination, and I'm worried that my protection will be waning and we'll be in a winter covid surge.


hawaiian_feeling

This tfab [post](https://reddit.com/r/TryingForABaby/comments/oor9z4/health_is_not_a_virtue_an_unsolicited_opinion/) is excellent and absolutely worth reading.


HazelAngel

Thank you for sharing that! It’s always helpful to have someone else find the applicable points from that sub without having to obsessively scroll myself


Proses_are_red

After about 4 months, I’m back in this group. I became a uNiCoRn in March and miscarried in May at 9 weeks (blighted ovum). Although I still have baby fever and am physically okay to TTC, I feel like I’m not there yet emotionally. I feel like I have to work on myself first (get back into yoga and meditation, get back to eating healthy, just being healthier all throughout and being a more functional adult). Also, when I was pregnant, since I didn’t expect it to happen so suddenly (and probably because of the hormones), I started having thoughts of regret surrounding my career, my upcoming move to Tokyo, and just enjoying married life without kids a bit longer. So I’m back to WTT. I don’t have a specific date, but I do have certain goals I’d like to reach before taking that step again.


justpeachy23456

Hello! I’m new to this sub. We’re currently waiting to try for baby #3 and will start in February next year. I’m already excited and starting to think about it too much!


CalaverasTriste

This turned long so tldr at the end I feel kind of awful for feeling this way, but hopefully this is a safe space. Lately, I can keep myself getting irritated when my mom asks and gushes over my stepson or when she talks and gushes over the two toddlers she babysits for. Everyday she asks me how my stepson is and what he’s doing new or she’s mentioning wanting to buy toys for the two toddlers she watches (she takes her job as a daycare provider seriously and forms bonds). But, it just makes me sad that it isn’t MY kid she’s doing all that gushing and inquiring about. Part of me is also scared that I’m missing out on prime time and that by time my kid is at an age for her to do that, life can go any number of ways for her to not be in a position to do that. I know that last part is purely catastrophic thinking/anxiety, but with my grandma recently passing, it’s hard not to think that. TL;DR Long story short, it’s hard for me to share with her that step son tried rock climbing for the first time today or that he cooked a meal by himself etc. because I’m scared these are the only experiences like that I may get.


MaRy3195

I just want to say, I feel. My MIL goes NUTS over my nephew. Like yeah he's awesome and I love him too. He's their first grandkid. If we facetime as a family, it's always about him. We all visited them in April and she was literally like "yeah when you guys \[me and my hubs\] have kids it will be exciting but Duke will always be the first grandkid". My SIL's wife was mortified. It was so awkward. Like yes we all know he's your first grandkid ok. You don't literally need to say out loud that you won't love our kids as much. Like cool thanks. So yeah, I know the feeling of wishing it was your kid they're doing all this for. Sorry to hear about your grandma passing. I lost my grandpa last year and it was very challenging.


avonlea-

That is straight up an awful thing to say. I'm sorry, MaRy. I wouldn't be surprised if she flips and has baby rabies once it's your turn, especially if no babies are born in the interim. Also, I very much felt the "If we FaceTime as a family, it's always about him."


MaRy3195

Thanks. Yeah it was incredibly awkward considering she said this over dinner while we were literally all there (me, hubs, SIL, SIL's wife, FIL, MIL, and nephew). My SIL is actually having a baby this fall and my MIL in going to stay with them for a bit... BUT they are moving to live closer to my husband and I so I know ultimately her feelings will probably change since she'll see our kids more. It was just like such a classic older person thing to say. Totally insensitive with no concept of how offensive it is... Thanks for reading and commenting. The wait can be a real struggle sometimes..


stardusttree

Husband said he wants to officially start trying in September next year which leaves me a few months to get off bc and let my body regulate again. I’m excited I’m seeing my gyno in a few weeks for bc and I plan to bring that up. I’m hoping my medical condition clears up by next year before then. We haven’t had “fun time” since my last appointment this month because I’m waiting for the bc (I couldn’t get it then) and I don’t want any oopsies lol


Mangodust

Feeling a little concerned. I came off the pill early April and still haven't got my period. We wanted to start trying soon but I think I need to wait for my periods to restart first? Anyone else still waiting this long for their period?


SaltWafer

This seems like a medical question that's above the pay grade of this sub. The typical definition of amenorrhea is missing 3+ periods in a row, which sounds like your situation. There are tons of potential explanations -- stress, exercise level, hormonal imbalances, or any number of other things -- and a doctor will be able to figure out the cause and the treatment.


Mangodust

Yeah I think you’re right. I’m going to call the doctor tomorrow :( thanks


SaltWafer

Best of luck! I hope you have it all sorted out soon :)


epoustoufler

I personally came off mine early June and nothing yet, though not as long as you of course. I have heard of people with much longer waits so try not to worry too much, but it’s hard isn’t it! Is there any guidance in your country about when you should seek advice from your doctor? I don’t think you necessarily need to wait, although it makes it easier to date the pregnancy accurately if you do get pregnant.


Closed_System

I would probably reach out to a doctor at this point. They might be able to give you something to start a period and hopefully reset your cycle. Hopefully it's just a one-off due to coming off BC, and your cycle will soon regulate. You can try to conceive without getting a period first but obviously it's going to be a lot harder to tell when you might be fertile and when you need to take a pregnancy test.


SnapweedSparrow

It’s fairly common for people to wait a long time for a period after going off birth control, but at over 90 days, it might be time to see a doctor. TFAB has a bunch of resources and info compiled about experiences coming off birth control: https://www.reddit.com/r/TryingForABaby/wiki/birthcontrol/


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qfrostine_esq

Hi there- I'm getting a lot of reports for this comment. I don't think it's technically breaking the rules [unless you're intentionally having sex during ovulation], but it is very much skirting rule three. I would expect that is the reason for the influx of downvotes. Perhaps if you clarified that, the response would be better.


pepperup22

Sorry about that — definitely didn’t realize that was skirting the rules. I’ve deleted it. Clarification: our “riskier” is that we’ve been only using withdrawal or condoms instead of the two together, still very much so not TTC and very much so WTT/TTA, not having sex during ovulation. Im bummed it was taken like that but it’s definitely my fault. I apologize for anything that might’ve been rule breaking there.


notplop

Does anyone else panic over irregular periods? I went off BC three months ago so I could start tracking and getting a handle of my cycles. My first two were 32 and 33 days, and now I’m on day 35 with no period in sight. What makes me panic more is I’m fairly confident I ovulated at my normal time, so of course now I’m stressing that my period hasn’t shown. I don’t know why I’m stressing. It’s not like it matters if my period comes today or four days from now. But my anxiety doesn’t seem to accept that.


SaltWafer

It is totally normal to have irregular periods for several months after stopping hormonal BC. There isn't anything wrong with you! If you're concerned that you're pregnant, you can take a test to put your mind at ease. But not everybody has cycles like clockwork and that is okay!


pianist2020

I have a lot of 33 day cycles and I actually don't consider what you're describing to be irregular! There's a big difference between 32-37 days on occasion and the irregular cycles that people have if they might have PCOS. I wouldn't worry about 35 days. I have had cycles that length sometimes for most of my adulthood and from tracking it's clear I do ovulate and have a nice long luteal phase which is what you want! Also right after birth control it is likely you will have a little variance.